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29
Fri Feb 28

I AINT AFRAID OF NO GHOSTS

I AINT AFRAID OF NO GHOSTS


NEW KICKS & WALLPAPER LEGS

NEW KICKS & WALLPAPER LEGS


33
Tue Feb 25
AND WHATS THE DEAL WITH STUFF

AND WHATS THE DEAL WITH STUFF


22
Sat Feb 22
FAST MOVING HAND BECOMES INVISIBLE

FAST MOVING HAND BECOMES INVISIBLE


28
Thu Feb 20
ME & SANTA 4EVA

ME & SANTA 4EVA


FREE VALENTINE POETRY

Like freshly cut roses and a cute stuffed bear
You’re prickly, cold and unaware

Blood is red
Dead bodies are blue
You’ll be mine
Until I end you

Yes, Mom, I’m still single, and don’t have a baby yet;
But if I get knocked up I promise you can raise it!

My love for you is truly sublime
Like a zombie mob at feeding time

Let’s reaffirm our vows my love, in fact;
Let’s also add a suicide pact!

You don’t say I love you
But you’ll always be mine
We’re perfect together
You hot pizza pie

BE MINE. like it’s not an option it’s going to happen no matter what you do so how about don’t make this any more difficult than it has to be OK?

I’ll buy some sexy lingerie for sure
To show off to my open fridge door

Will you be my bumblebee valentine?
Sting me, fly away and die?


28
Wed Dec 25
ONE SHIRT FOR THREE SISTERS

ONE SHIRT FOR THREE SISTERS


BART SIMPSON @ YAYOI KUSAMA


FUN THINGS TO DO INSTEAD OF HOLIDAY SHOPPING

1. Give $$$ to charity. (but like a real one so not Kony I don’t think?)

2. Try your hand at logging into healthcare.gov without getting an error message. HINT: your hand will be bad.

3. Test out pepper spray on yourself.

4. Successfully explain the benefits of consumerism to a 5 year old.

5. Climb into an air duct at Sears and try to have your very own Neverending Story.

6. Stand in front of TV wall at Best Buy and hold your breath until you pass out.

7. Strip naked and dive into cacti.

8. Maybe today is a good day to begin building up that cyanide tolerance you’ve always talked about?

9. Memorize Pi to 100 digits KIDDING eat a whole pie in one sitting (TIP: it can be pizza if U want)

10. Facebook message every person you’ve ever had a crush on.


USE THE FORCE


TETRIS LEGZ

TETRIS LEGZ


SPIDERMANS

SPIDERMANS


EYES


HOW TO RESPOND WHEN RELATIVES ASK IF YOU’VE MET ANYONE SPECIAL YET

1. “It’s a funny story actually, she’s an AMAZING drug smuggler but she had one "off” day so now she’s gaying it up in ladies jail.“

2. "You know Space Bags® right? Yeah he’s in one right now in my freezer! Well he’s in four bags to be exact.”

3. [Fart audibly, stare in silence]

4. “He’s a Swedish model I mail him money every month so he can move to America soon his name is Guy McRealman.”

5. Launch into detailed explanation of Grindr.

6. “She’s being shipped to me from China as we speak! Don’t worry her dad assured me he’d drill air holes.”

7. Ask if they want to see a picture of you and your boyfriend and show a selfie of you eating pizza.

8. Ask if they want to see a picture of you and your boyfriend and show a photo of a dog licking your face.

9. “Oh I’m sorry I zoned out doing Kegels, what did you ask me?” (Repeat as necessary)

10. Say wide-eyed and unblinking, “SHE IS STANDING RIGHT HERE NEXT TO ME.”


GREETINGS FROM THE FUTURE PAST

GREETINGS FROM THE FUTURE PAST



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